Spring 2025/Garner
One of the best pieces of homeschool advice I’ve ever heard wasn’t actually about homeschooling. Rather, it was in the form of a public service announcement. About a year ago, my husband and I visited London, which has an intricate rail system that weaves its way in, out, and around central London. As our train car neared each station, the prerecorded message would warn: “Mind the gap between the train and the platform.” To the daily commuters, it was merely a familiar refrain they heard on a regular basis, but to two American tourists, it was quite entertaining. What was simply a warning to remind passengers about the potential danger of the gap between the train and the platform serves as an excellent admonition for homeschoolers. Let’s consider three gaps that could pose a hazard to any homeschool family.
The Education Gap
The first is what I’ll call the education gap. If you’ve attended a homeschool conference, read any statistics about homeschooling, or spent time researching curriculum options, chances are you’ve heard something along these lines: Homeschoolers score higher on achievement tests; homeschool students excel beyond their peers in college; homeschool students are graduating with higher GPAs than their public-school counterparts, etc. All those things can be wonderfully encouraging until you have a student who doesn’t excel academically. Or, even worse, who is (gasp) “behind.” Suddenly the parent (usually mom) begins to panic and starts running the mental list of all the things she has “done wrong.” Those who are fairly new to the homeschooling realm are most vulnerable to this form of self-torture. There is this false notion that if we just do it right, our students will excel. Worse still is when we pick up that insinuation from unsupportive family members or even other homeschoolers in our circles. There will be tremendous freedom and greater joy in your school when you simply allow your children to learn at each one’s own pace. Certainly, some excel quickly and early, while others take a little longer to master the same lessons. You know your child best—when he needs a little nudge and when he needs a lot of patience. This is true from the earliest preschool activities to the most advanced high school lessons. One of the best decisions we made for one of our now-adult children was to skip teaching a foreign language in high school. This child struggled significantly during most of his school years with English and grammar being no exception. Why would we frustrate him needlessly with another language? Conversely, I’ve seen the collateral damage of a severed relationship from parents constantly pushing a student who is academically gifted to do more and achieve more. Mind the gap between the classroom and platform of expectations.
The Spiritual Gap
The second is the spiritual gap. How often do we skip over the very subjects that compelled us to homeschool in the first place in order to get to lessons written in our planner? When my children were elementary age, we typically started the day with Bible time, which consisted of a short devotion, the recitation of one or two catechisms, and prayer. However, my tendency on days that we started late was to skip Bible time and jump straight into math. If this had happened on a rare occasion, it would have been a different matter, but it was a frequent struggle. One of the main reasons I wanted to homeschool my kids was to teach them from a biblical worldview and to pour into their spiritual growth and development, yet it was the first thing I wanted to jettison when my plane lacked enough altitude. As my children reached middle and high school years, it was still tempting to shortcut Bible study lessons or relegate Bible literacy to Sundays. I wasn’t a complete failure in this area, but if I could redo some of those earlier years, I would hold a more resolute, non-negotiable resolve in biblical training and knowledge. C.S. Lewis offers this sobering insight: “Education without values, as useful as it is, seems rather to make man a more clever devil.” The mind is important, but how much more the soul that lives out of the abundance of the heart. Mind the gap between the classroom and the platform of eternity.
The Relationship Gap
Lastly, there is the relationship gap, and this one is the most perilous. If you lose the heart of your child, then you have lost your voice of influence. As parents, we long to have deep, meaningful relationships with our children where they willingly share their deepest thoughts, desires, and struggles and seek our wisdom and advice. Like any relationship, though, this takes intentional effort and work, and it begins when they are young. It involves giving them your undivided attention as they share the childhood wonders of a rock collection or a Lego creation. It’s enjoying, and joining, them in swinging, or playing hide and seek, or searching for buried treasure. In short, it’s taking delight in your child. In their younger years when every day is exhausting, and it takes everything you have to do school with all the distractions and interruptions, it’s all too easy to think, “I’ve done school now, so go along and play and don’t bother me or need anything!” As your children grow into their middle school years, it can be challenging to be patient as they hit puberty and morph into an unrecognizable ball of hormones. Suddenly, they have strong opinions and equally strong attitudes. They have a hard time adjusting to all the dramatic physical and emotional changes, and it takes more patience than most parents possess not to speak out of anger and frustration. I had to remind myself quite often: “You’re the adult in the room, and you need to act like it!” The high school years are much the same, only the issues they are dealing with are more critical than ever. Stay tuned into their lives, ask questions, and listen without interrupting or reacting. Stay engaged with the things they are passionate about. And stay fervent in prayer for wisdom to shepherd their hearts. Mind the gap between the classroom and the platform of expectations.
Perhaps there are more gaps that come to mind when you consider the intricate weavings of everyday life and the high calling to homeschool. Whatever the challenges may be, the truth is our own pride is often the largest gap we need to be cautioned against on a daily basis. Although we want what’s best for our children academically, spiritually, and relationally, it’s so hard not to react to our perceived shortcomings out of pride. If we’re honest, we fear others will judge us as inadequate or as a failure. Somehow, we have this false notion that if we do it right, they will turn out right. So, we let our unmet expectations rob us of the joy of the unique way God has created each of our children. Yes, we have to do our part faithfully, diligently, and prayerfully, but ultimately it is His work. Ask Him to help you love your child for who he is, not who you want him to be. And, as you respond in faithful obedience to what He has called you to do, you can walk in confidence that His grace is sufficient for you and that He is working in and through your child’s life.
